In the age of dating apps and websites, meeting your potential girlfriend in real life (IRL) is still the best. No “filtered” or “photoshopped” picture that can either be disappointing or pleasantly surprising when meeting IRL. There will always be the “cute” awkwardness or the “casual” meal before everything heats up during coffee or wine.
When in your 40’s or maybe even beyond, there may be shortcuts that could be taken. When you are both mature to lay all the cards or baggages on the table, it makes dating or having a relationship a lot simpler but not easier. There are things to consider like geographical location, religious or political beliefs, kids - the furry kind and those who are either still in school or are now working, aging parents, ex’s and a whole lot more. The conditions of schedules and responsibilities that maybe those who are younger or with fewer responsibilities may have it easier. Adjustment is one big word that comes with the bigger word of commitment. It is in this age that the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling of love may not be sustained after a period of time. Speaking of periods, it is going to be a rollercoaster of a ride with the hormones when you are “peri-menopausal”. The hot flashes and mood swings abound. And when you thought you were really old enough to go out and spend the night somewhere romantic with that someone special or drive somewhere with that person you just met at the coffeeshop or at the bar, reality strikes you about those things you or she has to consider mentioned above. When the cool breeze sets in and she is cozying up to you then the phone goes - a text message from one of the kids or worse, they’re calling! Those just kill the romance but hey, that’s life over forty!
Adjustments. Adjusting. Two women going thru phases of perimenopause is WOW! Imagine having to adjust from your old ways. Two different people maybe similar to upbringing but still the differences are at the very least, noticeable. It may be as simple as eating out or as complicated as moving in together. When you are both in love and you try your best to be the better person for your partner, it takes a toll on you, on her and on the relationship. Your old friends and family notice the changes first. Then you realize the changes. In awe, you tell her and she tells you. The changes that hopefully make you a better person. Hopefully, that’s what happens. You evolve into better versions of yourselves because somehow you know there will never be another chance like this. That for every argument or debate passionately discussed after dinner, over coffee, after a very intimate moment or before going to sleep, you know that you both have the same good intentions.
Falling in love when you’re over forty is scary or rather, scarier. It scares you more than when you were just feeling in love for the first time at sixteen because honestly, it all feels like the first time. All the bad experiences make you stop yourself from falling in love again. Then you tell yourself it’s always the same but at the same time it will be different this time. You will be different this time. You believe you are wiser. You believe that you know better because of the lessons learned from the past.
Be brave. Have a little faith. Enjoy the ride. Falling in love when you’re over forty is discovering the fountain of youth! 😉
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